Scout and Lucy

When one determines that a trip to the brick-and-mortar unemployment office is in order, they would be well-advised to bring a stash of funny anecdotes that they can summon up to counter the much darker thoughts that accompany standing in the unemployment line. Fortunately, the office was closed for President’s Day, but here’s the amusing situation I planned to meditate on while standing in line.

A couple weeks before I was supposed to visit my friend Jennie in Denver, back in October, she asked if I would mind house-sitting with her in a mansion owned by a pair of wealthy philanthropists (I’m still not clear on their actual occupations). To sweeten the deal, she added that the house contained two little dogs that needed only to be walked, fed and loved. Who could say no?

The house itself was a dream, offering more bathrooms and guest rooms than I could count, at least as many original works of art as a mid-sized gallery, multiple floors, meticulous landscaping and home to as many gadgets as a Radio Shack. But without a doubt, the dogs were the best part.

Scout, a Cairn terrier, was the elder of the two, at least as old as Westminster winner, Stump (maybe 10 years old, I’m guessing). We learned at the end of our stay, from the cleaning lady, that Scout was a trooper, having been through a few surgeries and dermatological problems. Scout’s most prominent feature – which was most evident when we took him for a walk – was his derriere. An older dog, he definitely had a few pounds to spare, but Scout had a badonkadonk. That’s right, it can safely be said that Scout had a little junk in his trunk.

Then there was Lucy, the much younger Yorkie, the breed I grew up with. But unlike my Yorkies, Lucy was mellow, relaxed, seemingly happy and had floppy ears. Most Yorkies’ ears stand straight up, but not Lucy’s. She was also a dead-ringer for Natalie Portman’s dog.

But Jennie had come to suspect that Lucy harbored a dark secret – an eating disorder. When she fed both dogs, simultaneously, a curious thing happened. Scout scarfed down his cereal immediately, while Lucy circled her bowl. She would wait until Scout was done eating before she’d give hers a sniff. Finally, once Scout finished his and made a lunge for hers, she’d start eating. But only if Scout sat there and watched her. However, the rest of the week while I was there, Lucy usually ate all her kibble.

Now, Jennie’s house/dog-sitting for the family again and Lucy’s back to her old tricks – but she’s simply not eating at all. Rather than explain how she’s dealt with this, I’m just copy and pasting our GChat conversations (with editing and consolidating):

(I had seen via Facebook that Lucy was not eating)

me: will lucy eat if scout watches her?
Jennie: she just goes and sits by him!
me: awww. Any evidence of canine bulimia? Maybe she sneaks out the dog door outside to purge?
Jennie: aww. She did throw up. It was adorable. I think she might have a stomach thing
me: her puking was adorable!?
Jennie: well, i only saw the product: a tiny little poot of puke
me: can i use that as a header sometime? "a tiny little poot of puke"

Conversation ends, then resumes the next day.

Jennie: she's holding out on eating – it’s driving me bananas
me: we're talking about Lucy, right?
Jennie: yes, ha
me: hmmm, how long is the family gone for?
Jennie: they are back on friday
me: is she still sick?
Jennie: she's not sick. super energetic. and she's drinking water. i'm stumped!
me: even when scout watches?
Jennie: yeah! she goes and sits by him
me: and they stare at the food bowl together?
Jennie: yeah, then Scout tries to go get some. Lucy gets pissed but then won't eat any
me: hahahaha. maybe leave the food out all day, if you can figure out how to keep scout from eating it
Jennie: yeah, that's impossible. scout already got two bowls of her food and he's supposed to be on a diet, ha!
me: right…cuz of the badonkadonk

This conversation ends, but the next day I see on Jennie’s away message that she’s taking Lucy to the vet, so I check back in.

me: are you taking lucy to a vet shrink, to address her anorexia?
Jennie: hahahha. actually, her owner called. i'm going to get a rotisserie chicken on the way home. apparently, that cut up will do the trick.
me: no way! free-range chicken to boot, huh?
Jennie: hahahahahahaha. yes
me: so she's done this before?
Jennie: yes she said, don't worry, this happens with our other dogsitter too. and i felt one million times better. apparently lucy, upon seeing them return pees on the rug to show them her dissatisfaction
me: it reminds me of the crazy girl in Girl, Interrupted who hordes chicken carcasses under her bed. also, that's usuaully what we call "excitement piddling" at the gustafson casa
Jennie: oh yeah! hahahahahaha
me: rotisserie chicken. huh. rosemary or barbecue?
Jennie: ooh. i didn't realize there were options.

Problem solved.